Mrs Sarcasm's relationship problems

I once said (in 'Déjà vu all over again ;-)') that I wished I had become the 'new me' earlier cause I think that way I migt not be THAT sarcastic about relationships, but that this was another story...

Well, here it is:
So far I've had only one relationship. I know, I'm bit slow if it's about boys/men... Well, I had a crush once before, but that was it for me. Maybe I should start with this, I'm not sure...
After all, it took me about 15 years to finally 'fall for' a guy. He was doing judo just as I did and we were talking a lot during training hours. About nothing special, but about this and that. With the help of a friend I finally dared sending him a letter (yeah! though I saw him once or twice a week almost every week...). Well, with the second letter I sent my phone number (stupid, stupid me!!!), and... he called!!! He tried a couple times while I still was away for riding lessons a couple hours before training. And guess what I did when I finally was at home when he was calling? No, I didn't admit having written the letter, I was just the way I always am, and said I had no clue (yeah, stupid, stupid me!!!). That evening I went to the training and was just like all the times - I think... Maybe I was different, but that's something my friends should answer. Well, about 5 months or so later (I think) all 4 (father, 2 sons and the friend of the younger son) stopped coming to training.

Then, about 1 year later, my friends persuaded me to come to the ball the high school (we call it 'Gymnasium') organized and all my excuses (I hadn't taken part in the dancing lessons) were not accepted and they also spend 4 of their free hours at school to teach me how to dance. So there I went with my friends and I finally met the guy a good friend/'personal dance instructor', Kerstin, called her 'best male friend'. As it happens every now and then, the two sitting between me and the guy left to dance a bit and he (Sebastian) started talking to me - or did I start the conversation? I don't know... It was late and we talked about music (HIS favorite music - that's important for the rest of the story!) and I was just glad that no one forced me to dance. That's the only explanation I have for why I didn't make him meet my fist - during the entire conversation he stared in my neckline. On our way home (a good male friend of mine/neighbor was there too, but with other friends) my friend and I were talking and a couple days later we were talking about the neckline-guy, too. He warned me that this guy was a first class idiot and ass, but I didn't listen (again: stupid, stupid me!!!). This was December, I think. In January, Kerstin told me that Sebastian didn’t know how to ask me whether I wanted to come to his birthday party, so he asked her to do it (duh, say it with me: stupid, stupid me!!!). I agreed and after the party, when I was getting ready to leave, he told me to call him and gave me his phone number.
And I called him the next weekend, if I’m right (once again: stupid, stupid me!!!). We agreed to meet again at his family’s home. The second time we met alone we were at my home and in the evening he suddenly asked whether I wanted the two of us to be a couple... Yes, he seriously asked!!! That was late January or on one of the first days of February.
The next few weeks had some big bad routine: He picked me up at school on Wednesday and we walked back to his home. We met on Friday and Saturday, sometimes Sunday and Monday as well. I think during the entire 3 months we were a couple we were at my house for 2 times only. And then it was usually me picking him up from his home (we both had no car back then). These were carneval (he hates it – I love it) cause I said I would definitely go there – with or without him – and my birthday party. He was really into my boobs *gr* and all we were talking about were the things he was interestted in. He even tried to make me stay with him for the summer vacation instead of going on a two week long language holiday to Malta with my friend Simone (I know her since about 17 years, since we both were about 3 years old). Then, when we were talking about school and university, I said that I wanted to leave Germany one day to live abroad – and he asked whether I was sure I was good enough to do so… And not in the nice caring way, no, it was more like ‘yeah sure, you’re far too bad at English to really be able to do this’... Gosh! He was my boyfriend, isn’t someone like that supposed to support me?!? Or am I wrong about that?
Well, it all ended really quick, but better a quick end than no end at all. My 17th birthday appeared, the next day I celebrated with my friends and my bf and the day after the party he called me and broke up.
About 3 months later I flew off to Malta with Simone and we had 2 absolutely wonderful weeks on our own.

From then on I kept away from guys – and probably still do, unless they’re good friends, classmates or friends I met through sports. Until this year’s carneval I got along without any problems. The difference: I decided that I should celebrate my achieved goal – pretty much normal weight – and therefore dressed up nice and maybe a bit sexy, too. The first time, about 1.5 - 2 months before the actual celebrations, we had a session, where some people and groups perform (as comedians, dancers, singers etc.) and after that there’s usually some music and the bar’s open, too. So I decided that I wanted to try Batida de Coco with cherry juice and got it and for some reason the guy bartending that evening didn’t just give me the drink as it would have happened all the years before but actually talked to me for a second or so.
Then, at the actual celebrations, one of the guys was somewhat drunk after the parade and talked and messed up my hair (*gr* I hate that! No one’s allowed to do that…) and we met quite some times later.
The day after this, there was the party the fire department hosted. Since my Dad’s a member of it he actually should have been bartending, but he’s getting older and therefore asked me whether I could help out LOL He had the shift from 11:30 p.m. till end. I agreed and while bartending a couple guys came and talked – just the ‘a bit drunk’-stuff, but it made me think...

Worst thing: about 10 days ago a good friend (Michael) came to visit me at 3 a.m. (no, I didn’t mix up p.m. and a.m.!) after being at another party and was a bit drunk (he still could answer very well) and we talked and suddenly he came up with ‘I always wanted to know how you kiss...’ I think you can imagine what I was like then, right? I was shocked!!! And of course nothing happened... Before leaving he said I wouldn’t let anyone get near the real me. What’s that supposed to mean?!?

Well, that’s it. That’s my experience with relationships within the last 20.5 years...